So for the last five days I have been cooped up indoors with severe heat exhaustion (thank you heat wave), unable to do the things I enjoy and unable to enjoy the company of friends without inevitably falling asleep. I’ve been drugged up on painkillers to stop the awful headache I had constantly and have had no concept of time thanks to being asleep 90% of it.
When I attempted to leave the house on Sunday i felt dizzy and unstable but it was just about manageable, despite the heat. Perhaps it was the determination to get my early upgrade for my phone that spurred me on, the upgrade that I had to wait three days for as EE’s systems were down Who knows, but I’m veering off topic again. I’m still a little dehydrated and tired even now but at least I can function normally now, well, as normal as I get anyway.
I had my month and a half check up with my new GP today and mentioned how my moods are fluctuating faster than I can keep tabs on at the moment. One minute i’m beyond restless and irritable, the next I can’t summon the energy to make myself a drink and then I switch to manic again. Its exhausting, but my GP pointed out that my mood swings are probably being triggered by a combination of the heatwave we are having and the fact that I have been ill for the last five days, unable to do anything, which makes sense I guess. I didn’t think to account the weather for my sudden instability, perhaps its a common thing? I have never thought about it before now so I can’t really divulge further on the subject. Anyway, we also discussed my current medication and my GP decided that she needs to see me in a stable place for a couple of months before we can lower my dosage further. Which is slightly disappointing but I can see why she wants to leave it, especially after my recent fluctuations, weather triggered or not. Better to be safe than sorry, as the saying goes. Other than that I am doing OK.
I went back to the gym yesterday after having almost a week off and my god, I was dying. I’m definitely not the fittest of people but last nights work out was a real struggle for me. I felt lethargic and exhausted before I had even got there and after a few minutes of running on the treadmill i just wanted to give up and curl in a ball. My head just wasn’t in the right place to keep me motivated and it really showed through out my workout. Somehow I managed to struggle on through till the end of my hour, skipped the post-work out shower and dragged myself home to collapse onto my sofa with relief.
I can’t help thinking that being away from the gym has had more to do with my unstable moods than the weather. After all, I was filled with positive energy before i fell ill and now that I’ve been sat around the house more I am struggling to get up in the mornings again. It seems like the more obvious link to me.
In other news, I finally wrote to Ellie today. It had only been 7/8 months since my last letter :S But it felt good to tell her about all the positive things going on in my life. For those of you who don’t know, Ellie is my pen friend from Depression Alliance, she’s absolutely lovely and is also getting married around the same time as me and Mark. We lost contact when I moved back in February as I forgot to change my address with DA, like i do, my memory is terrible, which means i haven’t been getting my Single Step newsletter either. BUT I’ve sent an email to update my details on their system as of today, I can’t wait to send this letter off and get the communication lines back open with her again 🙂 Its a really nice feeling to receive a handwritten letter through the post every once and a while, especially from someone going through the same difficulties as you.